mix of emotions

emily asked me last night how i felt about moving back to america.

i told her it was weird, because i had so many contrasting feelings all at once... i'm sad, because it's leaving my home. i wish i could stay here forever. but, at the same time, i'm relieved that i'm leaving, because it will be so awkward without daniel and josiah here, as well as the fact that i feel like God is telling me i need to leave now. it's just time to move on. i'm excited, because of the prospect of the whole college experience and the fact that i can "start over" with new people and places. still, the same thing that excites me is what scares me. i'll be moving to a new place and be immersed in a new culture with new people and experiences, and for the first time i won't have my family with me. i won't have their hands to hold in the scary parts. i'll have to make it without them for the first time. there's the intimidating amount of responsibility i have before me, having to take care of all the things i used to rely on my parents for, like school and work and insurance and bank accounts. it's intimidating and a little scary, and i flip-flop between being terrified and thrilled most of the time.

the one thing that comforts me most is that God is holding my hand, leading me every step of the way... and he's never gonna let me go. :)